Starting a Conversation:To truly be good at social interaction, to be spontaneous, witty, fun, charismatic, charming, and all the other qualities that we want in ourselves an in a partner—we need to use the subconscious mind.
How fast does the subconscious run?. About 2 million times faster.
If we were comparing the speeds of these two parts of our mind in terms of miles per hour, the conscious mind would run at 150 mph, and the subconscious mind would run at 100,000 mph.
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Here’s what I’ve learned.
- Talking to yourself works. Say “left foot move, right foot move” to start yourself walking. Focus only on moving your feet. You can handle that, right? With any kind of anxiety, you need to focus on the smallest possible unit of action to get yourself started. Once you’re started, you’ve got momentum to run on, and things will tend to snow.
- Lying to yourself also works. Saying, “I’m NOT going to talk to that girl,” helps relax your conscious mind. Be very convincing in your lying. Think of this as tricking your conscious mind to get it on your side. If you don’t do this, it will prevent you from taking action, and you’ll be much more likely to be alone the rest of your life.
- What you say doesn’t matter. How you say it matters. Men love to obsess over the “perfect opening line”—or should I say, the conscious mind loves this topic, because it believes there is a formula that will work every time. But this line doesn’t exist. The best you can hope for is a statement that 50% of the time, it works every time. What is this statement? “Hey, how’s it going?” The perfect opening line is simply the one you’ve said a thousand times and can therefore say in a calm, comfortable, suave, confident tone of voice and with relaxed, open, warm, inviting body language.
The truth is, she knows what you’re up to within the first few seconds of you opening your mouth, so you might as well be direct. Studies have shown that our “first impression” takes place in 1/10th of a second, and over the next 40 seconds, your brain is processing 10,000 individual data points to form a “cold read” on a person that is 76% accurate to a person’s actual character.
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The last point is why working on yourself is one of the most powerful ways you can become more confident about going to talk to an attractive stranger.
How you smell, your posture, the steadiness of your eye contact, the rapidity and extent of your pupillary dilations, these are all part of the 10,000 data points women are evaluating (unconsciously) when you “present” to them during that first interaction.
And although we don’t like to admit this, men who have been working out, eating right, sleeping well, meditating, and not drinking much alcohol present significantly better than your typical man. These men carry a “nimbus”, a sort of healthy glow that causes them to stand out from other men. [ READ ALSO : Go Talk To Her: 3 Tips for Starting a Conversation With a Beautiful Woman…]
But the class of men that tends to perform the best? Men who have been practicing. Show me a healthy man who hasn’t walked up to a strange woman in 1 year and an unhealthy man who’s been practicing his intonation, posture, and eye contact 60 hours in the last week and I can tell you, with a high degree of confidence, which one is going to make a better first impression.